


WORDLOCKED

by Queerasil



Series: WORDLOCKED [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Auto Correct, Confession, Cute, Fluff, Games, I'm Not Dead Let's Have Dinner, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Reichenbach, Texting, The Great Hiatus, crackish, fail, sexts, two truths one lie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 11:01:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2346107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queerasil/pseuds/Queerasil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four stories in which<i> Someone <i> messes with the autocorrect on John's phone, Sherlock attempts to sext John, Sherlock and John play Two Truths and Lie, and Sherlock texts John after the fall and during the hiatus.</i></i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

WORDLOCKED

Summary: Someone messes with the autocorrect on John's phone. 

...

Need you to milk me. J

What? SH

You milk me. J

John, what? SH

SHIP. J

SHIFT. J

AAAAAA. J.

Y? J

Okay. SH

Fuckin' auto erection. J

Auto ERECT. J

AUTO. J

CORRECT. J

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. J

CAN. J

U. J

GET. J

MILK. J

Yes. SH

Are you okay? SH

Are you having some kind of episode? SH

Should I be even mildly concerned? SH 

I'm throwing this phone up. J

*out. J

Duck. J

Can I just call you? J

...

Lestrade just called. He says he has a cake for you. J

*Case. J

There's no cake. J

The cake is a lie. J

Mycroft will be disappointed. SH

Pity. Anything interesting? SH

Bead woman. J

*Dead. J

I mate this phone. J

Fuck. J

You know what I mean. J

You should probably just call me. SH

...

You should come. J

Home, I mean. J

You should come home. J

Where are you?

Out. SH

A little major general, Sherlock. J

*A little less general. J

Be more spicy. J

*Specific. J

I thought you got rid of the phone. SH

This one's doing it to. J

It must be you then. SH

You're cursed. SH

OOOOOOOOH. SH

...

Your dick. J

What about it? SH

*You're a dick. J

Oh. SH

Why? SH

Sarah just told me you broke her cat. J 

*Broke into her flat. J

FUCK. J

Why does your phone keep doing that? SH

? J

That thing. SH

IDK. DOES. NOT. FEEL. SAFE. TO. TYPE. J

...

Where've you gone? SH

Porn shopping. J

DAMN. J

*Phone shopping. J

I thought so. SH

The victim has a pet, in case you're interested. Some kind of erotic bird. J

*Exotic bird. J

The bird isn't erotic. J

I'm not attracted to birds. J

Whatever you say. It's all fine. SH

...

Sherlock, why is the bid in our flat? J

*Bird. J

It's owner's dead, John. It needed somewhere to stay. SH

Fine. Whatever. Just make sure it doesn't kiss anything. J

*PISS ON ANYTHING. J

I'll get this fixed eventually. J

I'm sure you will. SH

...

I love you. J

Okay. I love you to. SH

*I'm above you. I'm standing on the balcony. J

Wait, what? J

Never mind. SH


	2. TSTM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock attempts to sext John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually it's own separate story, but I wanted to make sure it was posted here as well. Please enjoy!

**TDTM**

Sherlock tries to sext John. Sequel to 'WORDLOCKED'.

…

**Is that a protractor in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? SH**

_Oh my god, what are you doing? J_

**Sexting. SH**

**Isn't that something couples normally do? SH**

_Yeah, I guess… Since when are we a couple? (Aside from a couple of weirdos, ha!) J_

**We've gone on three 'dates'. I was under the impression we were an 'item'. SH**

_One of those 'dates' was a crime scene. J_

**We went to dinner afterward. SH**

_A dinner which was interrupted by an attempted poisoning. J_

**Yes. I suppose that really ruined the romance. SH**

**According to the strict social code, isn't it time we advanced forward in our relationship? SH**

_Yes, but with actual physical intimacy, Sherlock. J_

**Can't we just start here. SH**

_…_ _I suppose, yes. J_

_You're supposed to make it sexy. J_

**Imagine I'm wearing frilly panties. SH**

_No. J_

**Speedo? SH**

_Better. Keep going? J_

**Leather speedo? SH**

_Why not. Proceed as planned. J_

**I'm also holding a riding crop. SH**

**But not the one I beat corpses with. SH**

**The only thing this crop is ever going to touch is your sweet round ass. SH**

_God help me. J_

**Now imagine we're in a bedroom. SH**

_Where are we in the bedroom? J_

**On the bed, of course. 'Bedroom' is a euphemism for a sexy place. SH**

_I was really hoping you were going to fuck me on the dresser. J_

**Don't be silly, John. That might damage the wood. SH**

_What wood? (Ha!) J_

_I'll stop making jokes now. J_

**Good. This is obviously very serious. SH**

**Now, you're naked. SH**

_Aren't you going to strip my clothes off slowly and sexily? J_

**That takes too long. SH**

_Oh, sorry, are we on a schedule? A sex schedule? Have we got a two o'clock bareback on the lilo? J_

_Intimacy is a slow burning fire, Sherlock. J_

**Boring. SH**

_If you think intimacy is boring, this isn't going to work. J_

**Can I go on ahead now? SH**

_Good choice of words. J_

_Yes. J_

**Slowly, teasing you, I take off my leather speedo. SH**

**Are you aroused yet? SH**

_If you could be more descriptive about your censored that would help. J_

**It's… long. SH**

_Send me a picture. J_

**No. SH**

_Why? J_

**What if somebody sees? SH**

_I'll pretend it's for a case, come on. J_

**Okay. SH**

** Image. **

_Wow. J_

_I'm impressed. J_

_And that means a lot, coming from me. J_

**Yes, I'm sure your sexual experience coupled with your medical profession has exposed you to a wide variety of censored. SH**

_Did you just call me a slut? J_

**Maybe. Did you like it? SH**

_Yeah. I did, actually. Talk science to me again. J_

**Baby, you're so hot you're obviously running a dangerous and potentially life-threatening fever. Especially for an infant. SH**

_I. Am. So. Turned. On. Right. Now. J_

_MORE. J_

**I should check you into a hospital. SH**

**All the doctors are sexy. SH**

**So are you. SH**

**;) SH**

_OH, DO IT AGAIN. J_

**I'm gonna take your temperature over and over again all night long. SH**

**Then check you into intensive care. SH**

**'** **Cause I'm going to intensively care for you. SH**

**All. SH**

**Night. SH**

**Long. SH**

_YES. J_

**Now let me take your temperature, sexy doctor man. SH**

**Oh, you're hot, hot, hot. SH**

**Somebody needs to cool you down. SH**

**Somebody who's cool. SH**

**Good think I'm Dr. Cool. SH**

_This is perfect. J_

_Come home right now, Dr. Sexy. I need a checkup. J_

**(Actually, I'm Dr. Cool. You're Dr. Sexy. SH)**

**I'm coming. SH**

No idea what I was thinking when I wrote this, but damn is it beautiful.

 **TSTM** is an acronym for **t** _alk_ _ **s**_ _cience_ _ **t**_ _o_ _ **m**_ _e._

_Hope you enjoyed!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and John play Two Truths and a Lie.

Wait, How Does this Game Work?

Sherlock and John play Two Truths and a Lie. Things get complicated.

…

**Bored. SH**

_Not my fault you broke your arm. J_

**Actually, technically, it is your fault. If you had hesitated three-seconds short, the ninja would've have gotten away, which means that I wouldn't have had to chase him, which means I wouldn't have broke my arm. SH**

_You've been thinking about this a lot, haven't you? J_

**Brooding. SH**

**Out of crap telly. SH**

**Bored. SH**

**Play with me. SH**

_I'm not a boyfriend; I'm a babysitter. J_

_Fine. J_

_What do you want to play?_

**No idea. SH**

_2 truths 1 lie? J_

**What? How do you play? SH**

_It's simple. J_

_Elementary, really. J_

_Tell me 2 truths and 1 lie but don't tell what's true and what's a lie. J_

**I can manage that. SH**

**I've broken my arm before. I've never gotten drunk before. I was once attacked by a dog. SH**

**Use your magical powers of deduction to figure out which is which. SH**

_Um… The arm's the lie. You don't have any marks or anything, so it has to be that one, right? J_

**PSYCH. SH**

**THEY'RE ALL TRUE. THAT'S THE LIE. SH**

**HA. SH**

**I win. SH**

_That's not fair. You didn't play by the rules. J_

**I never play by the rules. That's why I win. Your turn. SH**

_I've had sex on three continents. I've never eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before. I failed high school gym class. J_

**Gym class. SH**

_Dammit. How'd you know? J_

**Sex one was obviously true. You display knowledge of a certain *cough, cough* technique only known about in certain regions of Argentina. PB &J was just silly. SH**

**I've never played a sport before. I used to love animated films. I'm allergic to coconut. SH**

_Coconut is the lie. J_

**Ha. No. SH**

_You're allergic to coconut? You should've told me! J_

**I'm not likely to be attacked by a rogue coconut, am I? SH**

_Still, I'm a doctor; I should know! J_

**Well, you know now. SH**

_Fine. I got a black eye once having sex. My favorite pair of underwear is pink. I used your toothbrush once when we first met. J_

**Underwear is a lie. SH**

**FYI. That's the toothbrush I used to cultivate mold samples in the toilet, by the way. SH**

_So THAT'S why I got sick. J_

**I don't brush my teeth with it, for the record. SH**

**That's disgusting. SH**

**Moving on. SH**

**I wasn't a virgin before I met you, that's a fact. I either lost it to a man, a woman, or a woman and a man at the same time. Chose. SH**

_Wow. I'm suddenly very turned on. J_

_Both. J_

**Interesting choice. Why'd you pick it? SH**

_Hopeful dreaming. J_

**Huh. You're right. SH**

_Seriously! Who?! J_

**Sebastian Wilkes and Victoria Trevor. SH**

**It was a mutually bad decision. SH**

**To be fair, I didn't make a lot of good decisions back then. SH**

**Frankly still don't. SH**

_Wow. I suddenly have this whole new respect for you. How was it? J_

**Awesome. SH**

_Cool. J_

_My turn. J_

_I accidentally summoned a ghost once. Dogs hate me. Cats love me. J_

**Dogs, obviously. Seen dozens bark at you. SH**

_Yes, but the feeling's mutual. J_

**My go. I cried while reading the last Harry Potter book. Spock is my favorite character on Stark Trek. I have no idea how to shave without nearly decapitating myself. SH**

**Wait that was two lies. How do you play this game again?**

...

Cute ending to a hopefully cute and insightful story. Thanks for reading!


	4. Message Not Received

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock's time away from John told through texts.

**Message Not Received**

Sherlock texts John after the fall and during the hiatus. The messages are sent, but never received.

…

**I'm so sorry, John. SH**

…

**198 different television channels and they're all talking about me. SH**

**'** **He's a fake.' SH**

**No, I'm not. SH**

…

**I didn't realize the impact my death would have on you. SH**

**I'm profoundly sorry. SH**

**Please forgive me. SH**

…

**Did you know that there are actually 244 different kinds of tobacco ash? SH**

**Fascinating. SH**

…

**I wish I had someone to tell me how brilliant I was. SH**

**'** **Fantastic.' SH**

**'** **Amazing.' SH**

**'** **Wonderful.' SH**

**Before you I was just a freak. SH**

**Before you I was practically nothing. SH**

…

**My new alias is named 'John'. SH**

**That's supposed to be a compliment. SH**

**It's also an excuse so I can hear your name. SH**

…

**I wish you were here with me. SH**

**Or, it's probably safer to say, I wish I was there with you. SH**

…

**I miss you. SH**

…

**Met a man in Cairo yesterday who reminded me of you. SH**

**He tried to kill me. SH**

**But, you know, whatever. SH**

…

**I did it for you. SH**

**For you, for Mrs. Hudson, for Lestrade. SH**

**I only ever wanted to keep you all safe. SH**

…

**I hope you're happy. SH**

**That sounds like sarcasm, but I really honestly hope you're happy. SH**

…

**Got shot in the same shoulder than you. SH**

**We're matching! SH**

**I can't stop laughing. SH**

**Probably just the pain meds. SH**

**Hopefully just the pain meds. SH**

…

**'** **I believe in Sherlock Holmes'? SH**

**You had something to do with that, didn't you? SH**

**Thank you. SH**

…

**Heard you went to my grave again today. SH**

**What exactly were you expecting to find there? SH**

**Moriarty's body is buried in there, you know. Not mine. SH**

**If you think about it, it's kind of messed up, because that means you were actually paying your respects to Moriarty and not me. SH**

**I remember when I thought you were Moriarty at the pool. SH**

**I was devastated. SH**

**I thought, 'This is what I get for caring.' SH**

**I was scared you were going to leave me after the pool. SH**

**But you stayed. SH**

**No idea why. SH**

**Sentiment, probably. SH**

**Pesky emotions. SH**

…

**Mycroft says you met someone. SH**

**I'm not jealous. SH**

**Mary is a nice name, by the way. SH**

**You have my blessing to move on. SH**

…

**Car bomb nearly killed me. SH**

**Almost died in a cab, of all places. SH**

**The irony does not escape me. SH**

**Remember when you shot that cabbie for me? SH**

**Of course you do. You're not likely to forget killing someone. SH**

**Unless, of course, killing someone is part of your daily routine. Then it might get tedious. Like making breakfast, expect with a lot more blood. SH**

…

**Something's wrong with me. SH**

…

**Tell me I'm not going crazy. SH**

**'** **You're not going crazy.' J**

**You're just saying that. SH**

**'** **Yes, I am. You're not going crazy, because you've always been crazy.' J**

**Thanks, John. That helped a lot. SH**

…

**I'm sad tonight, let's have dinner. SH**

…

**Mycroft says I'll be home in seven-months. SH**

**Assuming I'm not brutally murdered before then. SH**

**It's an optimistic prediction. SH**

**You know how I feel about optimism. SH**

**Tedious. SH**

…

**I'm lonely and I'm drunk and I miss you. SH**

…

**Watching Doctor Who reruns in a cheap hotel in Moscow. SH**

**I remember how you used to love this show. SH**

**I would always ruin it by pointing out the scientific inaccuracies. SH**

**And you would say, "Sherlock, you don't even know that the earth goes 'round the sun. You're hardly an expert on the complex quantum mechanics of the universe." SH**

**And I would said, "Yes, but I know enough to know that blue police boxes do not travel through time. If they did, then the '60s would've been much more interesting." SH**

**And you would just sigh and roll your eyes and laugh. SH**

**I miss that. SH**

…

**I feel so alone. SH**

…

**Got shot at again today. SH**

**Just the usual. SH**

**Getting shot at is a lot more fun when you're around. SH**

…

**I'm not dead, let's have dinner. SH**

…

**Compromised. SH**

...

Oh!

I love the idea of Sherlock pining for John after the fall. Poor Sherlock, though.

Hope you enjoyed! 


End file.
